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September 11, 2005
Fighting, losing
Apologies for the lack of posts. Ennui has become depression. I am fighting, but losing. In the meantime this, via Juno. (I promised myself I wouldn’t do this. I promised myself there would be no black dog on this blog.)
From my Birthday Calendar. Moody? Stubborn? Tends to egoism? This sounds a lot like someone you know.
My birth tree is
Fir Tree, the Mysterious
Extraordinary taste, dignity, cultivated airs, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to it, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious uncontent lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.
My lifepath number is 8. Materialist? Competitive? Lonely? Oh yes. Discounting the feelings of others? Ask my sister.
With the Life Path of the number 8 you are focused on learning the satisfactions to be found in the material world. The Life Path 8 produces many powerful, confident and materially successful people. You are apt to be very independent, forceful and competitive. Your routine is involved in practical, down-to-earth affairs, and there is relatively little time for dreams and visions. You will want to use your ambitions, your organizational ability, and your efficient approach to carve a satisfying niche for yourself. Most of your concerns involve money and learning of the power that comes with its proper manipulation. This Life Path is perhaps the one that is the most concerned with and desirous of status, as an accompaniment to material success. If you are a positive 8 you are endowed with tremendous potential for conceiving far-reaching schemes and ideas, and also possessing the tenacity and independence to follow them through to completion. In short, you are well-equipped for competition in the business world or in other competitive fields of endeavor. You know how to manage yourself and your environment. You are practical and steady in your pursuit of major objectives, and you have the courage of your convictions when it comes to taking the necessary chances to get ahead.
The negative 8 can be dictatorial and often suppresses the enthusiasm and efforts of fellow member of the environment. Often, the strength of their own personality excludes close feelings for other people with whom they come in contact. Material gains and rewards often become issues of utmost importance, even to the neglect of family, home and peace of mind. Dedication to success can become an obsession. Emotional feelings are often suppressed by the negative 8, resulting in isolation and loneliness. All Life Path 8 people must avoid discounting the opinions of others.
Posted by Amelia at September 11, 2005 05:49 PM
Comments
So many things can contribute to depression as I'm sure you know (major catastrophes, both natural and political, certainly don't help)...but a more hidden cause is your thyroid level, have you ever gotten it checked? I was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and it can either put you in a huge funk or add to a currently raging funk. I know you have other issues but maybe you could check that so you can eliminate it as a contributor!
I enjoy your blog. Don't get nearly as much knitting done as you do!
Posted by: Bouks at September 11, 2005 06:27 PM
Anna - I am with you in spirit...you know I am. Remember, it will eventually go away, try to remember that through the fog. I'm here if you need (as one who knows...)
XO Jackie
Posted by: Jackie at September 11, 2005 07:04 PM
Uch. I've TOTALLY been there this summer and am slowly coming out of it. I KNOW you will too. Sometimes it just takes time. And medication. And a good doctor. And the love of a good partner (or family). And hitting bottom, too. Or just having someone to cry with. I'm available, if you need it. :-)
Posted by: Cara at September 11, 2005 07:04 PM
I'm thinking of you. I just call it 'the blackness', don't think my black dog who's a very cheery soul would relate herself to depression! :o)
Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself, and shout if you need anything at all.
Hugs
Posted by: Anna at September 11, 2005 07:40 PM
Anna: You are stronger than the black dog. I'm thinking of you.
Posted by: Christina at September 11, 2005 08:36 PM
*hugs*
Posted by: Andrea at September 11, 2005 10:30 PM
I'm sorry. I've been there and know how oppressive it can feel. As many others said, it takes time and support, both of which can be difficult to recognize in the fog. Hang in there.
I don't know if this will help, but I found that exercise helped me immensely.
Posted by: Jen at September 11, 2005 11:51 PM
Anna, hang in there. You're in my thots and prayers.
Posted by: erin at September 12, 2005 03:15 AM
Take care of yourself Anna. You've come through it before and you will again this time.
Posted by: Mary at September 12, 2005 08:14 AM
Anna...I won't say cheer up because I know it's not that simple. But I hope that the cloud passes soon. I'll be thinking of you!
Posted by: Ashley at September 12, 2005 02:50 PM
Hey Cyberbuddy,
I wish it was as easy as me telling you to cheer up, but sometimes I know its not. Know that my heart is with you through this. I know that may sound weird considering we really don't know each other, but as a cyber buddy, I really do mean it.
If you ever need to talk to someone or just need someone to listen, don't hesitate. You're a very talented person, a person that has touched so many, in so many different ways. I hope this passes soon, I hope that the sun will shine on you once again.
Your cyber buddy/friend,
Liz
Posted by: Liz at September 12, 2005 02:52 PM
My entire August was spent between ennui and utter sadness. I am sorry to hear that your September is starting out that way. My inability to do much of anything led me to a large amount of time of reading fashion mags after the boys bedtime - I thought of you immediately when I saw a gold crochet dress by Prada in last months American Elle. I know how you have been thinking about knitting a dress. I'll scan the picture and send it your way. If anything, it is gold (not too sparkly) and pretty ...
Take Care,
Leanne
Posted by: Leanne at September 12, 2005 09:39 PM
It's often difficult to keep that black dog chained up. I wish you well...
Posted by: Amy at September 18, 2005 10:34 PM
The blackness can come and go. Having been there (and now that I'm a lot better) I can actually appreciate that without hitting the low spots I couldn't see the high spots. I'm glad I've been there as I think it can lead to a greater awareness of the world around us. A combination of cognitive therapy, medication,a loving partner and knitting have helped put me back on track. For those that think "knitting" it was sometimes the only thing I had that had a beginning, middle and an end. It was soothing and creative and has become an obsession that has kept me more on the upside than the downside. You'll get there in your own time - don't feel that it's a race.
Posted by: Maureen at September 21, 2005 11:50 AM